Posted in Cursory Resources, Let's Talk About Poly

Consent is more than saying yes

Consent is more than saying yes.

Consent is having the information to make informed decisions in regards to your autonomy and respect.

Consent in relationships may include understanding your partners’ cognitive differences or ability differences. It may require “extra” communication for various needs.

When dealing with neurodivergent people and other cognitive differences, it is essential to understand the basics of cognition and ignition ability to understand where communication gaps may occur.

Differences can occur in:

❤Verbal comprehension or our ability to understand words, sentences, paragraphs.

❤Sensitivity to problems or our ability to problem-solve.

❤Syllogistic reasoning or drawing conclusions from premises.

❤Number facility or maths-related stuff.

❤Induction or process of making things happen.

❤General reasoning or finding solutions with more math-related stuff.

❤Associative memory or recollection based on information for unrelated things.

❤Span memory or recollection post initial introduction.

❤Associational fluency aka knowing synonyms

❤ Expressional fluency or your ability to convey your thoughts with accuracy.

❤Spontaneous flexibility, aka appropriate situational response.

❤Perceptual speed—Find instances of a pattern under speeded conditions.

❤Visualization or the ability to visualize concepts.

❤Spatial orientation or identifying objects placement in space.

❤Length estimation or the ability to estimate the distance between points.

I have tried to explain this in ways that will make sense to people that don’t study psychology. Please look at the links below and feel free to ask questions.

For more on cognition and cognitive ability:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/social-sciences/cognitive-ability

https://cognitiontoday.com/what-is-cognition-executive-functions-and-cognitive-processes/

https://www.cambridgecognition.com/blog/entry/what-is-cognition

https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/cognitive-skills-how-to-improve-them

https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rstb.2017.0293

https://www.everydayhealth.com/neurology/cognitive-dissonance/how-cognitive-dissonance-affects-your-relationships/

Posted in Verbose Redactions

A reminder from Rebecca

A therapist can’t be their therapist.

Rebecca continually reminds me of this even though I’m not a therapist.
I’m a consultant, a mentor, and a guide. By profession, that is what I’ve chosen to do on multiple levels. I’ve been told that I am a hypocrite when I struggle because I give such great advice and have searched profound views and understandings of the world. Why do people decide that about people? I say things that make sense to me.

Rebecca continually reminds me is that being hypocritical may not be the case. Just because I understand and see what needs to be better doesn’t mean I can always guide myself to what needs to be better, considering disorders and differences that are a part of me; you know and being kinda human-like. I study psychology both as a hobby and a part of my profession. Every time Rebecca helps me navigate something that I struggle with, I’m angry at myself because I know that concept. Why can’t I Implement that concept the way that I help others to?  

Rebecca reminds me that I tell people it’s okay to struggle and need help, so why can’t I be as compassionate to myself as I am to those that come to me for help, whether paid or just as a peer or friend.

As I’ve processed this, I’ve noticed that a large part of it is the expectation that those who help others will always be able to help themselves because we know better. We aren’t supposed to be flawed. But the thing that I’ve always said is that it’s okay to be flawed, but you need to be willing to address those flaws and be willing to understand the impact and offer healing.

I sat with myself, and I thought about it. I do right by people, but I will not let myself be taken advantage of, and I will not take responsibility for the damaged others have done, whether they want to address it. That doesn’t make you a hypocrite.

But knowing that and moving through the hurt are very different things, which brings us back to the beginning.

A therapist can’t be their own therapist.