Like every fucking thing that I have is apparently high functioning.
And you know what?
All that means is that I am masking enough to make sure everybody else is comfortable while I’m sitting and wallowing in my misery about how fucked up my brain is and…
… hoping that the next panic attack is my mild enough that my meds work correctly and no one notices I am scared shitless. … for my next manic episode to be really tiny and short. … the next PTSD episode that I have does not involve humans who I have contact with. … that when I have an autistic meltdown everyone doesn’t assume that I was throwing an adult-sized temper tantrum instead of listening to all of the things that I was staying prior to being overwhelmed. … that my OCD does not run another person out of my life when they realize that like being active in my life involves a lot of ritual and planning because I have shit and everything scares me.
Being high functioning means you don’t see me.
We always see moments of people’s lives in general, but even if you are my person…
Oh, buddy, I hate this topic with a passion. I recently had a breakup, that despite limited communication due to the tension the discussion invoked, I believe that part of the issue was their heavy belief that ethics are subjective, which is true, but not in the way that was central to the discussion we were having. They were discussing morality. I was discussing ethics. However, due to the interchangeable and colloquial use of ethics and morals, people often don’t understand that they are using the wrong term.
I am sorry, not sorry to inform you all that ethics and morals are not the same, and you must be careful in how you use the term in communication. This is a significant issue in why so many arguments break out. Foundationally ethics are cultural and communal. This also includes subcultures. Morals are individual and are deeply connected to our experiences, nurture, and personal growth. When discussing how actions affect others, both matter; however, the impact is the basis of the term you use.
One of the many communities these conversations occur in is the polyamorous community. The terms consensual nonmonogamy and ethical nonmonogamy are different but also colloquially used interchangeably. Polyamory is distinctly about the ethics of nonmonogamous loving relationships; Not defining love for others; Not telling people how to present that love; Not the priority of certain types of intimacy. It is about the cultural ethics of this specific subset of nonmonogamy. A dictionary definition does not explain the intricacies of cultural expressions and agreement throughout the community. No, quick definition does. The base definitions that float about are introductions not, the full picture of what polyamory is.
I will share some cursory links to help people understand ethics and morals as different terms that cover different relationships to similar central ideas.
So this is one of the many reasons why I have tried to be more healthful. When I first got my ID I decided to be an organ donor. As I got older though I realized I probably didn’t have super healthy organs because of my eating disorders.
I was struggling with my eating disorder so I knew I was going to struggle to be restrictive in any capacity. After the first suicide attempt that I had in which people were involved and I got put into the hospital the care team was extremely concerned that for the majority of my life I had never been attached to living. In fact, I live my life with the idea that I was going to go at any point in time. They were concerned that so many people in my life were unaware of that fact. “How did [I] hide that so well from so many people?” “How did no one see how my previous attempts affected my body?”
While I was getting that care they reminded me that it is okay to attach your life to something that is not yourself if it helps you get to a healthier place. So I have been searching for the healthiest thing for me to attach my life to for me and only me. What I’ve discovered is that that thing is service.
I enjoy service activities. I enjoy helping people. And the major thing that I get out of it is that I actually feel attached even if it’s just for a short time. So even though being healthy is hard I always try to make small changes for my health based on what I can do at the time and how my eating disorder is affecting me to try to make my body as healthy as I can so that if I go my organs may be able to help someone.
I damaged many of my organs with my eating disorder but some of that damage was repairable for instance my heart was weakened because of the stress of my eating disorder but my care team reminded me that if I exercise ate healthier much of that damage would be repaired because it hadn’t gotten to the most extreme.
I don’t know I just thought that sharing about how considering others can positively impact your view of self and life.
Here is a “Quick and Dirty” on cultures and their impacts on economics so it can be better understood what is meant by “something not being a culture issue, but an economic issue”. Things can be a really important cultural issues with deep heritage ties, but most people will not understand capitalism’s impact until we discuss the purely economic side. Think of all the subcultures we know and how access to money in the way many country’s work affect how you can interact with the various aspects of that culture and your freedom to interact with it.
I particularly find the idea that the deep cultural ties related to Indigenous populations have been/are being taken and commodified. This is not a new problem. Indigenous cultures have faced this for years which is where many of our trends come from (also for other POC cultures). We have been fighting the commodifying of cultural items and making cultural erasure the new definition of cultural appreciation.
Some cultures appreciate this because it shares their culture even if it is diluted. Others do not due to the long history of erasure, structural racism in many cultures, and the imperialist (or colonizing) outlooks of many nationalities. There is no right and wrong about this, but it is important to listen to the perspectives of people and how capitalism’s use of culturally significant items impacts many POC on multiple levels.
These links are in no way the end all be all nor do I believe they speak more highly of one perspective over another. These just inform on how one thing impacts another.