Has anyone noticed that some people’s version of you need to heal is coded as
– “I want you to be different bc I am uncomfortable, so you apparently need to heal.”
– “I cannot actually identify that there are quite a few emotions.”
-“I can’t process that other’s emotions are not my own, and their expression has nothing to do with me.”
After my weekly looks in out my groups and spaces would like to doubt after.
-In many but not all cases, we associate emotional control with colonized or unhealthy ways of coping. Erasing an ancestral part if you for others is not ok.
-Shutting down or muting your emotions come from similar roots as a lot of emotional dysregulation issues associated with toxic masculinity. Using improper to YOU methods of processing and experiencing emotions causes you and, subsequently, those around you harm.
-In the US, we have an assimilative social structure. However, being comfortable with others’ behavior doesn’t mean controlling them. It means creating boundaries and agreements.
-Isolating people does not heal them. Boundaries help people. We know through the examples of studies of human behavior and social systems that we learn through interaction. We know that collectively we have an emotional dysregulation problem because we have so many stimuli and have boundary issues.
Healing happens differently for people, which is why it is individual and your responsibility. It is not individual because we do it alone without community. But recovery can quickly turn into the subsequent trauma if you are doing things not in tune with what needs to be healed and yourself but instead based on what others have expressed they feel you need to heal from.
When you tell people to heal, is it because you are bothered by their behavior?
Are you advising them based on what makes you comfortable, and then when they don’t do what you said, they are not doing work?
Are you being accurate? Accuracy is about understanding perspectives and listening to learn what the problem is. If you aren’t listening, you may not be accurate.