A transfer from let’s talk about poly which is now one of my deleted sites.
Inspire by a mono friend who asked questions about him and his husband opening their relationship. This will probably become the base of an FAQ for this site.
Would you tell me more about polyamory?
First, the definition is having ( or having the compacity or desire to have) more than one intimate or loving relationship simultaneously. There are many ways that love and intimacy manifest as sexuals are learning to be acutely aware of, as well as many ways to create relationships.
What are important things to remember?
- Remember that you do not own your partner. Ownership outside of the BDSM world is usually something very dangerous and unhealthy because it is not negotiated nor does it address a person as a whole individual who has consented to something else.
- Negotiate everything and stick to your boundaries, that does not mean that you cannot renegotiate. Your major choices are to find a compromise, redefine your relationship, or take it or leave it.
- Communication is a must and emotional processing is important.
- Self-awareness is a must, but it takes time.
- I always suggest being ok with dating separately or apart and discussing boundaries for how to address things that affect your relationship. Examples: Time that must be allocated for dating and spending time with other partners, money for dates and travel, emotional energy.
- Polyamory is not the only way. Non-monogamy is an umbrella.
- Polyamory isn’t easy. It’s not really harder than monogamy, but there are a lot more complexities when dealing with multiple relationships whether they run parallel or intersect.
- My observation is that it is harder to do if it is not your natural inclination. For most of us it seems to be our default relational orientation, not a choice we make, so because relating on this level comes more natural it is easier to break the constructs of relationships that have been pushed on us.
Where is a good place to find resources? Are there any resources specific to LGBT relationships? How about allo/asexual relationships?
Some groups and blogs:
I suggest joining a group that I moderate called Black and Poly
There are also groups like:
These are groups that I suggest people who need intersection based info for queer relationships and anything to start.
Of course, I suggest my blog as a resource to everyone:
But other resources include:
Other articles include: