Today, beautiful people and econuts, is my twenty-fourth birthday.
In honor of the day I was born into a world that often seems so cruel and devoid of humanity I am reflecting on my personal goals, professional ambitions, and all the choices I’ve made that have lead me to who I am today.
I am embracing my growth and my mistakes. I am analyzing how much I have changed and why those changes occurred.
I know that for certain,one of the best decisions I have made was to move away from home and give my family and I some distance. As bad as that may sound, for me it was a much-needed requirement.
I needed to find myself. I needed a chance to understand why the beliefs I had were so different and deemed wrong by my parent’s world. Was it morally wrong and corrupt of simply a different way of viewing the world?
One of the major things I have learned in my personal reflections and musings is that at my core I have not changed. I’m still the same sweet and good little girl. I’ve just grown up some and figured out how to express myself rather than be a model of what other’s expected.
Honestly, I’m still learning that, but I feel a lot better about where I am with my expression of self.
I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness and while I don’t feel my experience was extremely oppressive because my parents at least believe in allowing me to live my life as long as I don’t force it on them, in some ways it was still limiting in the terms of experience.
By the time I finished college, I realized that:
- I was an activist that believed heavily in the idea that ALL men and women are truly created equal and deserve their basic human rights because basic rights are not a violation of someone else’s.
- That the earth is alive and we have much to be thankful for. We have a symbiotic relationship with this planet and we take for granted that our mistreated and callousness towards the environment affects us all.
- I believe that there is a basic societal order of Dominant individuals, submissive individuals, people who present both, and people who present neither. No one is necessary on top of the other, but agreements of interactions are quite crucial. I feel that we have ignored that.
- I don’t believe that any social construction of how people work is binary.
- I don’t believe people are inherently monogamous, but that people have become used to it. Our social and family structures do not support the idea of monogamy to me.
- I don’t believe that men are head of households. I believe it should be equal or that the person most capable should lead.
- I believe in the old religions’ ( plural) interpretation of the world as being healthier than modern religion.
- I believe that religion is harmful, but that spirituality is something everyone should embrace.
- I do not believe that non-human animals are lesser beings.
- I realized that the political systems everywhere are essentially fucked.
- I realized that I was queer as all get out.
- I realized that I was still a confused child, and from then on out I considered myself a half adult like human.
That is not everything I had figured out over 4 years of community involvement, social experimentation, and professional development, but that is the gist.
Now after about 2 more years of self-reflection, getting married, having one of my significant others die, being introduced to a family cultural that I don’t understand ( the things that apparently come with marriage), and a quarter-life crisis, I think I am starting to really get down to where I am headed.
Ok I know what you are thinking. Quater-life crisis. Yeah, but it is a thing and for me it was actually triggered by a guy. *giggles* What a cliché. UGH.
You see one of the major parts of my life was when my husband and I reconnected and then it changed so many of plans. I never wanted to be married, have kids, keep house, or really deal with family.
I wanted to be and international business liaison. I wanted to travel, be freelance, and have my dates ( guys or gals) for all the places I traveled. I just wanted fun.
And honestly without my hubs that is still the life I want, but he is in my life, so plans change. I want a stable job, with minimal travel. I want to be able to take care of my family. Like with the kids and all ( but in like 5 – 10 years).
Hell, I’ve even manipulated my goals to help make this work.
In the last year, I’ve begun my journey to taking Design and Scheme from portfolio turned blog, to a website and business. I also established other goals that I will not divulge as they are only relevant to the parties involved, but I am super excited to get all of this going. It is my hope that by this time next year the beginning steps will be completed and we will be on the way to phase 2. I’m super excited!
Oops! I said that.
I took some time off. I was a housewife this year to facilitate my husband’s growth, our move, and to give myself time to figure out the next direction for my plans. I wasn’t as productive as my original 5-year plan I created in 2014 had me being, but I am happy that I actually used that time for D&S. It made me so sure that this is what I want and that I am grateful for all the people that have helped me.
I’m so ready for this next year of activism and professional/ personal development.
So peace out babes.
This blogging pagan, asexual , polyamorous, activist and lover of all the pretties is off to do accomplish more this year.