I’m disappointed in myself because I’m not where I expected to be at 21.

Why?

I met him.

The guy that goes with the flow.

“Take it easy.”

“Slow down.”

“Feel a little!”

I did…

I slowed down enough to fall in love; well back in love.

I loved him before I knew I knew I loved him.

So, I slowed down, opened my heart, and breathed deeply.

It was a leap of faith; something I’m not accustomed to making.

Trust is hard won!

Slowing down, giving the pain a chance to touch me,

                                                                                burn me,

                                                                                hurt me,

                                                                                scar me,

                                                                      make me bleed.

The pain I love so much because it tells me that I am still here alive.

And I thank you, but at the same time, I hate you.

Why?

My demons were released from their confines.

You can’t help me fight the demons that lurk within my empty soul swirling in the blackness that is my mind.

It’s scary and people do not like scary. They like to feel safe; like to be safe.

So here I am… pretending to be safe.

I learned a new way to live, that forces me to face my demons and lie in the process.

I’ve been rubbed raw, but that does not matter.

But I can’t brush things off and speed through life anymore.

Their hooks are in me dragging me down, dragging me back, not letting me breath.

So here I am a little bit further than most, but not far enough.

4.10.14 ~ Zephyr